What kind of experience is it to fall in love with a refined egoist? In front of outsiders, he dotes on you in every way, which makes friends jealous; When you close the door, selfishness, enjoyment, and ignorance of pay can kill you.

In the classic film Titanic, Ruth's fiance Karl is a typical refined egoist. When the Titanic was about to sink, he got several escape tickets. When someone sent a distress signal to him, he pushed away in disgust and just wanted to take Ruth to escape. It was not because he loved Ruth, but because he threw a lot of money at Ruth and was unwilling to lose her.

Ruth decided to leave the selfish man at the last moment and chose to elope with Jack, who is kind-hearted and affectionate. When the ship sank and the floating wood on the sea could save only one human life, the poor boy Jack did not hesitate to sacrifice himself to save his wife Ruth, and achieved a great love story.

"Delicate egotists" refer to those who are selfish, reckless and good at performing. In fact, this word was first put forward by Professor Qian Liqun of the Chinese Department of Peking University: "(some people) with high intelligence are extremely secular, and they try their best to perform and flatter to achieve their own goals, but they will do so within the scope of the rules." Refined egoists are very aware of using laws, systems and rules to achieve their own personal goals, but they lack the ability to love.

How can you tell if the other party is a sophisticated egoist? These six points can help you:

1. Lack of empathy and empathy.His words and actions always pay attention to his own interests and ignore your feelings. For example, when you are sick and want him to take care of you, he will first consider whether to delay his work; When you quarrel with him, he can't put himself in your shoes. He always says, "I think", "What should I do", "You make me feel bad"
2. Too utilitarian when making friends.In his view, to make friends, we must make ourselves "profitable", and only when we can get promotion and wealth and bring tangible benefits can we make contacts. If this friend is just talking, and even needs his help, and can't bring practical benefits, he will be bored and even break up with cruelty. Therefore, he sometimes seems lonely or depressed because he has no friends to communicate with.
3. He is good at packaging himself.When you first fall in love with him, you will find his aura dazzling: either the "mentor" who talks about his ideal, or the "brother" who succeeds in his career, but after getting along with him, you will find that his real appearance is not so. Just like a married actor who overturned the car before, he acted as a man with love and righteousness, and attracted girls to throw themselves in arms. In fact, he brainwashed and controlled the girl. After the incident, he coerced her and sent her to prison.
4. Always say more than do.When two people are together, he likes to talk big. He seems to respond to your demands, but he writes a bad check. Promise to go home and help you cook dinner, and go into the study as soon as you enter the door; Promise to buy a bag for you, and immediately say that you are financially tight at the end of the month; Every day, he said he should treat you well, and when he saw that the amount of money was high, he ran away... Just listen to what he said.
5. Pay must require equal return. On his birthday, the gift you give him cannot be lower than the value of the gift he gives you; He invites you to dinner, and you must invite him to dinner next time; This time he helps you get the express, next time you have to do something for him... He always has an account in his mind - even if he is looking for a partner, he will never lose.
6. Blame all the mistakes on you. In intimate relationships, friction and disputes are inevitable, but if you quarrel with a refined egoist, you can't justify it at all, because you will lose in front of him for thousands of reasons. You are not sensible, don't consider his feelings, and try to argue... In short, he is worse than you.
   
   

   

If you love such a person, first try to listen to his position, then sympathize with him, and then guide him to reflect on his own shortcomings. The heart of an egoist is often lonely. If you can enter his heart, it will be easier to change his selfish personality. Then you can skillfully use the "exchange principle" he advocates to try to satisfy him and guide him to meet your needs. If he promises something, you should write it down and remind him to realize it.

However, if you have been suffering from mental control, cold violence and neglect for a long time, don't imagine that "as long as you work hard, he will be better", and muster the courage to leave him!