Many parents like to intimidate their children. When the children do not obey, they will say: If you do this again, I will not want you; If you do this again, I will hit you; If you do this again, get out of here! When you say this, you are happy, but have you ever thought that it is effective? Can your child accept it?
01
Is "intimidation" really effective?
It is very common for parents to "intimidate" their children in our daily life.
A famous professor once mentioned that such an embarrassing thing happened when he taught his daughter.
She is very strict with her two daughters. In addition to her excellent performance, she also practices piano according to the regulations every day. The older daughter is obedient, but the younger daughter is rebellious.
Once she asked her little daughter to practice piano, but she refused. She threatened her daughter and said, "If you don't practice piano, I will throw you out." It was very cold outside, and her daughter wore very little clothes. She thought she would be soft in doing so. But I didn't expect that my daughter's stubborn temper came up and ran against her. She really went out of the door by herself.
The harshest mother is the mother after all. The professor can't bear to see her daughter suffer from cold, so he has to take the initiative to compromise with her, "It seems that you have known your mistake, come back".
Even if "intimidating" children have achieved results for a while, they are not convinced. They just have to give in because of their parents' dignity. Sooner or later, there will be a rebound. Of course, if you have a child who is as stubborn as a professor's children, it may not have any effect at all.
02
"Threatening" behavior is easy to produce negative effects
1、 Make children feel inferior.
Parents often beat and scold their children, and add some derogatory words, such as "you are inferior to xx children...", which has no effect. It can only make children think that they are inferior to others, and make children abandon themselves and have a sense of inferiority. What children could have done well, they deliberately didn't do it or even destroyed it. Such children are afraid of their hands and feet when they grow up. They are timid and have a strong sense of inferiority.
2、 Make the child fear.
Here, we should solemnly remind parents that children before the age of 3 must not fight. You think that children before the age of 3 are in a state of ignorance about many things. His nerves are not yet developed. Beating, swearing and threatening have exceeded the child's ability to bear, making the child extremely nervous and scared, and the serious will cause mental illness.
3、 Make children feel abandoned.
Parents often beat and scold and intimidate children, and often say to children, "If you don't obey, you won't be allowed" and other words. Parents only scare children, but children will believe it, which will make them in a state of tension and fear for a long time, and will feel abandoned by their parents at any time. This will cause depression in children's personality.
4、 Make the child rebellious.
Some children are very stubborn. Their parents make him go east and west, and they make him do what they want, and they will not do it. They love to talk back, and they will not give in when they fight. This "obstinacy" is to a large extent, and the more their parents use force against him, the more he will use obstinate ways to fight against you, and the rebellious mentality is particularly strong. Some parents think that if you don't obey, I will change you, but I don't know that your child's "obstinacy" is getting worse.
5、 Make children have the mentality of revenge.
Often beat and scold children. Younger children generally do not have hatred. Older children are teenagers. If they are often beaten and scolded, children will gradually alienate their parents and even develop into hatred as they grow older.
03
How to guide children correctly?
- Don't attack the child directly
"You are so rude!" "You will cheat!" "You really can't learn well!"... This kind of words is attacking the child itself, labeling and defining the child, which is easy to make the child break the can and arouse the child's rebellious psychology. "If you think I'm impolite, I'm impolite to show you one by one", "If you say I'm not learning material, I won't give you a good study", "If you think I don't have a word of truth inside, then I can cheat as much as I can"
- Give gentle guidance to children's behavior
At this time, we need to change the way of expression and say to the child, "It is very impolite to turn over other people's things. Mom tells you that when you want to move other people's things, you must ask the owner's opinion", "Mom and Dad know that you also want to answer this type of question correctly. If you are more careful, you will be more familiar with it", "It's impolite for you to behave like this in class. The teacher hopes you respect the class and the students in class. If there is any problem, we will communicate after class."
This expression is to tell the child that we have no hostility and negative attitude towards the child itself, but only to deny his behavior and tell the child the correct way to deal with it. It is easy to settle things as they are.
- Don't say "threatening" words easily
Parents often say "intimidating" words, which will bring the shadow of children's childhood and make children feel insecure. This problem will accompany children's life, and it is also difficult to avoid in children's life path and family life.
On the contrary, children who often get their parents' caress and gentle words will feel happy, gentle and tolerant, full of satisfaction, and have a lot of success in life.