I once read a children's book, in which there was this plot: a duckling woke up in the morning and shouted "mama, mama", and then shouted "mama, mama" after eating. After going out to play for the whole afternoon, he shouted "mommy, mommy" as soon as he entered the door. Every time, no matter what mom was doing, she would stop and patiently answer her child, "Ugh, my baby." At night before bedtime, her father couldn't help but ask her, "What's the matter with you that you keep calling for mommy all day long?" The duckling said, "Nothing, I just want to call out to mommy and then hear her answer me."

See, that's the power of response. No matter what you're doing, respond in a timely manner so that you can let the other person know with certainty: I love you. This is true between parent and child, and it should actually be true between husband and wife. Interacting in such a way that the other person always responds is the foundation of the relationship.

Some may think, isn't it easy to respond? You talk and I say yes. It's really not.

There are many couples who feel that their partner doesn't understand them, that life is boring, and that they don't want to talk when they get home because they lack the enthusiasm and motivation to respond to each other. For example, a person comes home excitedly and says: "You know what? Today I met an interesting thing." The other person is staring at his cell phone, sliding his hand around, and without lifting his head says, "Go ahead, I'm listening." This kind of communication where you can't see your eyes is not really a response, because it makes the person feel that it's not interesting to talk about it, and that he or she is so much less attractive than the cell phone that it would be better not to talk about it at all.

Another example is when the wife excitedly matches her outfit and asks the gentleman, "Do you think I look good in this one? How is this one better than the one from yesterday?" The husband casually looks at it and says, "Well, it looks good. You look good in either one." This seemingly standard but not heartfelt response is not a response because there is no emotional exchange or collision, and it is very perfunctory.

What is a good response? Is the kind of, no matter when you talk to me, I am willing to put down the hands of things, listen to you seriously; you say things I am very interested in, willing to discuss with you seriously; you happy, I also feel happy; you sad, I also feel sad. This will make the speaker feel seen and valued.

Life is a very common quarrel scene is that the wife went home and said angrily: "Today, I stumbled upon a particularly angry thing in the unit, the leader of how how ......" After finishing, I waited for my husband to slap the table or comfort themselves, did not expect him to be very calm! Said: "I have to say that this thing you also have the responsibility, there are not doing the right thing." Then give a bunch of comments and suggestions, almost do a PPT. This kind of chat is the most annoying, because the wife at this moment need only emotional resonance, not a life coach. The husband's cold response to the wife all the emotions at this moment can not find an outlet, held in the chest.
There is a couple with a particularly good relationship beside me, they seem to have never-ending things to say, even if one of them is traveling, they will video chat for a long time in the evening. Once, when asked about the secret of running their marriage, the wife smiled shyly and said, "Our common language lies in talking together about people and things that interest us. Sometimes, the more the two people talk more and more vigorously, surprisingly, can talk until midnight, after finishing all feel particularly painful, and feel that the other is the most understanding of their comrades."

See, responding to each other has this kind of magic. If you think it's troublesome to respond to your partner, just think about the past when you were in a relationship, was it that you were especially willing to listen to every little thing the other person shared? Any emotion the other person was feeling, you'd latch on to and take the opportunity to offer care and greetings? Every link that the other person sends to you, you carefully read from the beginning to the end, so that you can do some reading comprehension, and then warmly discuss with him? Because you think this is the best way to understand each other. Now why don't you want to? So it's not that feelings fade over time, it's that we get lazy.

Stay curious, stay caring, stay passionate - these are the foundations of a good response. It's true that it's not easy to want a good relationship, but with care, everything is simple.