"A longitudinal study by Walker and Taylor (1991) suggests that parenting styles promote the development of adolescents' higher reasoning skills if they are supportive while also involving discussion of controversial issues."
This quote from struck a pretty deep chord with me, fitting the way I usually get along with Ice, I like to discuss controversial issues with my kids (of course, the premise topic of the discussion is appropriate to the child's level of understanding). Relative to children of the same age, ice ice logical thinking is quite meticulous, speak, write articles clear, well-organized, could it be related to this?
The benefits of discussing issues on are not only limited to this, but can also train the child's ability to express himself verbally; cultivate the child's courage to express his opinions frankly; induce the child to understand other people's positions and avoid being limited to bigotry; teach the child to get along with people in an equal manner; and guide the child to self-reflection. At the same time, it also brings parents and children closer together and establishes a frank and trusting parent-child relationship.
The premise of the discussion is equality, since it is equality, parents should correct their own posture, never in a superior, condescending posture and child dialog, and also not just pose a modest posture can be. Like the emperor put out a humble posture to the subjects of the advice, in the face of their own life and death of the master, the subjects are still too late to tremble, and how can they speak freely? From the heart, the child is recognized as having the same equal rights as the parents, in Kant's words, the "absolute command".
Don't try to coax your child with superficial modesty, because the child's senses are very well developed. He will soon realize whether you are really talking to him or you are just trying to get his secrets out of him. Even if you can succeed once, you will lose your child's trust forever.
Since they are equal, there is no preset a priori correct answer. Parents should be prepared to be open to their children's questioning and never assume that the truth is in the air. In fact, there are many things in life where there is no correct answer, it is just a different position of each person, the values of the starting point, to arrive at a different opinion only. The child's view may be a bias, the parents' view, but is another kind of bias.
Equality, but also pay attention to the body language, if your child is still young, and your height difference is far, to crouch down to talk to your child, although this will make your back ache, but let the child to get an equal respect for the feeling of importance, it is worth paying the price of a short period of physical discomfort.
Discussion is about exchanging between different opinions, whereby ideas can be enriched and neither one of them gets into a corner. Even if you have the same opinion, you have to think about it, and to agree with it defeats the purpose of the discussion. Sometimes the same conclusion may be followed by completely opposite arguments, only discussion can clearly show the differences in positions.
If you really want to teach your child something, bring it up in a discussion and express it in a form of communication, which is also much more effective than a serious lecture.
Don't be preconceived to determine the meaning of what the child wants to express, think you understand what the child wants to express, and don't just guess what the child will say, patiently listen to the child to finish the sentence, don't understand the place, by asking questions, let the child to clarify the point of view. There is a story of a mom who wanted her child to know something about sex, and finally waited until one day when her child asked her, "How did I come to be." The mom explained to him a lot about "the beginning of man". When her mouth was dry, the child said, very confused, "I just asked you if we got here by plane or train." (since the family just moved to their new home here a few months ago).
If the child is less expressive, it is important to have more patience, ask more questions, and guide the child to fully express his or her opinion, so that the child not only expresses the point of view, but also articulates the reasoning behind the point of view.
Parents should also learn to understand and question the child's point of view, leading the child to think from a different perspective. Human prejudice is always inevitable, then understanding different prejudices and looking at problems from different prejudices is the best way to prevent prejudice.
If you can look at your child's dissenting views with tolerance, then you will not think that your child's opposing views hurt your parent's face. Dissenting opinions are just that, dissenting opinions, and they do not hurt anyone's dignity. It is only the attitude, the way of expressing it, that may damage the dignity of others. If there is a problem with the child's attitude and manner of expression, you can still bring the issue up for discussion, and in this regard, guide the child to express his or her opinion in an appropriate manner. Besides, the child this way of expression, it is not likely to be learned from you, the most important thing to change, perhaps you yourself.
adults and children, strong and weak position, a clear, who is more capable of hurting who, who should be more restrained, still need to say more?
discussion of the issue is not so serious, many issues in life can be discussed, can be discussed from the discussion of the child to which restaurant to dine, the child to wear what clothes and so on to start, you can discuss the views of fairy tales, slowly transitioned to the study, friendships and other issues, but also is not limited to the child's problem, discuss what clothes mom wear out also It's not limited to children's issues, but also to discuss what mom wears when she goes out. Develop a habit of discussion and communication, from the child can understand the problem to start, with the growth of age, and then slowly discuss serious social issues and so on.
What if your child is just stubborn on some issues? It doesn't matter. Remember, it's not the discussion of the issue that makes a child stubborn, it's the discussion that makes him exhibit this trait. Without the opportunity for discussion, he can be just as stubborn, you just don't know it as a parent.
In the face of stubborn children parents can also express their views, you can express their own views clearly, and then, do not force the child to agree, but respect each other's different!
If the child is used to discussing and communicating with others, he will understand the different positions of coordinating and others, and will not be stubborn.
I remember Zhang Ming said in an article that our college students have not learned to discuss problems with others at all, which is a very failed aspect of our primary and secondary school education. I can probably sense from the online forums that not many people are able to discuss issues seriously. Nowadays, school education basically only instills correct conclusions in children, instead of teaching them to seek answers through discussion and dialog. We have no way to change the reality, the only way is to teach our children to learn to discuss problems with others in home education.