"Mom, he robbed my toy!"

"It's all right. Please let the children play. Good children should be humble and share!"

We often hear similar conversations in our lives. It seems that making children humble has become the standard answer to the childcare problem of "robbing toys". The stories of heroes such as Wen Tianxiang, Huang Jiguang and Lei Feng who sacrifice themselves and selflessly are the blueprint of moral education for children in schools and society. But is it really scientific and reasonable to pursue unselfish education regardless of age, scene and the law of human development?

Self-interest and altruism have always been the classic proposition of moral education. Confucianism believes that "love is inferior", that is, people always prefer people and things that bring more happiness and benefits to themselves, and are more willing to pay for them. It reveals the most instinctive needs of human beings, and is also the law of human development widely recognized by the academic community. To a certain extent, selflessness inspires people's enthusiasm for selfless dedication, which is indeed the highest indicator of moral value. However, if people demand all their behaviors with selflessness, it will cause serious violations of individual freedom and reasonable desire, which is not in line with the law of human development.

It is right to teach children to be humble and considerate, but as parents, we should pay more attention to the comprehensiveness of family moral education. In school and social moral education, children have been exposed to too much selfless dedication, self-sacrifice and other grand information, and family moral education should play a complementary and balanced role.

Therefore, when parents teach their children to be altruistic, they should not forget to teach them to love themselves and let them realize the legitimacy and rationality of being altruistic. Self-interest is not only shameful, but also necessary to achieve happiness and healthy growth in life. Parents should also guide their children to establish correct moral values, "do not hinder others while thinking for themselves", "try to think for others on the basis of thinking for themselves"... Such more grounded values are what families should convey to their children, and are also an indispensable part of moral education.

It is worth noting that teaching a child to be selfish is not to make him become selfish. Therefore, it is important to master the way and scale of education. In case of conflict between personal interests and others' interests, as long as safety issues are not involved, children should try to solve them by themselves. For example, the toy grab situation mentioned at the beginning of the article is not something that can be solved by simply saying "you should learn to be humble and share". As long as there is no danger to personal safety, parents should not intervene even if there is a quarrel or even a certain degree of pulling between children. Don't let the child feel that things should belong to him (to help retrieve the toys), and don't let him feel that once he has a dispute with others, he should give in (ask the child to give the toys to others). The child wins when he wins, and loses when he loses. He has the right to fight for his own interests.

What parents need to do is to guide them and help them solve the problems they encounter later. Teaching children to reflect is a good way for a family to carry out moral education. For example, you can remind children: "If you are always unwilling to share toys, other children will not be willing to play with you, so you may not be happy. Therefore, parents hope you learn to share and think for others." The starting point of teaching children to think for others and consider others' feelings should be to let children think for others actively and happily, instead of instilling "should think for others", So we should give up our own interests.

In addition, it is also an important content of family moral education to make children realize that goodwill is mutual and to avoid children becoming selfish. Parents should let the child know that it is not natural and unconditional for others to treat him well. Only when he treats others well can others treat him well; If he ignores others, no one will take care of him.

In short, while educating children to be altruistic, parents should pay attention to their children's needs, teach them to correctly judge the rationality of their needs, guide them to solve problems and make choices on their own.

Start with small things, guide children to be considerate of others, care for themselves, and strive bravely in daily life. This is a healthy family education model, and an important cornerstone for children to be healthy, happy, and grow up.