There is a knife called cold violence. When you speak, I don't respond. You try to get close, and I leave cruelly. From beginning to end, I regard you as nothing. You look like a dead person in my heart, or like a cloud of air, whether you are sad or happy or sad or angry, I don't care, and it has nothing to do with me.

Cold violence is one of the cruelest ways in intimate relationships. If I hadn't been personally exposed to so many cases of emotional counseling in recent years, I wouldn't believe that so many people were abused by cold violence in their emotions.

There are two kinds of people who like cold violence in their feelings. One is unconscious and the other is conscious. Many unconscious cold violators belong to the avoidable personality. Their native families make them afraid of contradictions and conflicts. When they encounter problems, their instinctive reaction is to find a hole like an ostrich and bury their heads. No matter the flood outside, as long as they feel comfortable.

However, conscious cold violators generally belong to narcissistic and sadistic personality. They have insight into human nature and implement cold violence against people with weak energy in emotional relationships, in order to destroy the self-esteem and beliefs of the other party, control the emotional initiative, brush the sense of existence and superiority.

So is the person who carries out cold violence against you intentional or unintentional? We need to carefully observe whether he also adopts the same attitude when he encounters conflicts and conflicts in childcare, workplace or other interpersonal relationships. If so, he belongs to avoidant personality. If he only treats you coldly and violently, it means that he is narcissistic and abusive, and only dares to hurt the people who love him most and care about him most.

If you meet such a partner, the following suggestions can help you effectively deal with cold violence:

1. Stop excessive reflection and do not overcorrect. Emotions should blend in and compromise with each other. The most important thing is communication. Don't give up communication. You are not the one who tries to solve the problem. You are the person who tries to move forward in this relationship, who really cares about each other in this relationship, and he is the person who accumulates contradictions and avoids problems, so it is him who should reflect.
2. You need to see the real appearance of cold violence. They are either "cowards" who are unable to solve the conflict, or they are the active abusers. The negative emotions they bring are not worth getting involved in and hurting yourself. What you need to do is to solve the problem and take countermeasures according to the type:

If the other person is an avoidant personality and just instinctively wants to escape when encountering problems, the more you chase him, the more you run, so it's better to give him space to calm down. Avoiding personality, you don't need to ask him for an answer at all, and he can't give you any simple answer. What do you want to do, put it into action directly, and tell him the result when he comes out of the "cave". What you need to do is to let your actions lead you, not be led by his emotions, or you will only consume yourself and accomplish nothing.

If you are dealing with a narcissistic and abusive personality partner, you need to understand that his purpose is to "abuse" you and enjoy the pleasure of being played with by him. If you enter his logic, you will be tortured by his cold violence, and he will continue to enjoy this pleasure, so he will not stop easily. But you should understand that the reason why he can hurt you in this way is that you give him the right to hurt you. He knows that you are more afraid of losing him, so he dare to be unbridled with you. If he wants to force you to commit a crime with cold violence, you should know your bottom line, and then he has nothing to hold you.

First of all, you must take a communication attitude and clearly tell him that you reject cold violence and that two people should communicate to solve problems; If he is still cold and violent to you after you have established the bottom line, that is to hurt you to the end. At this time, you must make a choice: cool with cold, not afraid of losing. At this time, he may eat hard and not eat soft. He also begins to face up to his shortcomings in this relationship and choose to change; If he still does not change and goes his own way, you can choose to leave this relationship with pain, otherwise your self-esteem and confidence will disappear in the end.

Cold violence is a quiet and cold cage. The longer the prisoner is, the harder it is to break free. You will gradually lose hope and courage. So you should find the strength to continue to love what you love, follow what you think, communicate with others, and connect with the outside world. The more and deeper the connection, the stronger your happiness.