Love is a feeling

We often say that love is to be good to someone, but how to be good to someone?

I've always said that I'm doing this for your own good: I'm not getting divorced for your sake, I'm quitting my job for your sake, and I'm not letting you marry him for your own good....... Is this kind of "for your own good" considered love?

A person wipe the floor ten times a day, just to let you come home to have a clean environment, but the result is that you do not dare to sit, do not dare to step on. Is this kind of payment called love?

Similar "good to a person" can move the sky can also move the earth, but just can not move you, we are difficult to agree and difficult to accept that this is love.

So, what is love in the end? Love is a feeling that gives a person a sense of security, satisfies his needs, lets him be himself, and lets him experience security, warmth, comfort, pleasure, relaxation, and happiness because of your presence. Love is about your willingness to do something to make him feel better.

So, love is not measured by what you do, but by what the other person feels. If because you do something, his feelings become positive, then what you are doing is love, and vice versa is hurtful. In the same way, you can use such criteria to judge whether another person loves you or not.

Of course, it cannot be so absolute. Some love brings temporary harm, and we understand that the other person's original intention was for love and for our sake, so we can still experience touching and fulfillment, which is also a positive experience. For example, if you don't allow the other person to have too much contact with other people of the opposite sex, although he experiences restriction, but at the same time, he also experiences being cared for more and feels a positive experience, which is also a feeling of love.

How do you let someone experience the feeling of being loved? You have to voluntarily and with fulfillment meet the other person's needs on the following 4 levels.

Attention and Valuing. You are willing to do a lot of things for him, buy him things, cook for him, comfort him, keep him company, make him feel valued, and he experiences being loved.

Understanding and knowing. When he is angry, you do not rush to refute, try to understand why he is angry, what aggrieved, you can hear and understand his own can not say clearly, can not say words, he feels understood, loved.

Respect and acceptance. Respect is as he is. When he wants to stay in bed, will you force him or respect him? Having to force him to get up is disrespectful. Suggesting that he get up, but allowing him to stay in bed and fulfill his own wishes is respect, and he feels loved.

Recognition and affirmation. At the end of the year, he got a 3,000 dollar bonus, do you think that's all he's got or do you think he's great? If you can feel that this is a sign of his ability, he feels recognized and loved.

With these 4 things, all the other ways of love are automatically added. For example, love is the willingness to give gifts, and if he can understand that you like gifts and are willing to value you, then the gifts come automatically.