In 2021, the latest report of the United Nations Children's Fund shows that the number of disabled children in the world is estimated to be 240 million, which also means that there are hundreds of millions of families taking care of these children for a long time. In order to take better care of disabled children, many families choose to raise one or more children. The children may be healthy or disabled, but in any case, they have shouldered a lot since birth. Some are born for donating blood and bone marrow to their seriously ill brothers and sisters; Some people have high hopes from childhood, to carry on the life of sick and disabled siblings, or to fulfill their parents' expectations

How to balance the relationship between disabled children and healthy children, and how to ensure that two or even three children can grow better, is a complex and difficult problem for parents.

Sick and disabled children who are biased: parents take care of children too awesome, but children are powerless

After confirming that the eldest son could not walk from now on, Kather and her husband made up their minds: no matter how difficult it was, they should have a second and third son, and let their brother or sister take turns to take care of the second half of his life. They walked around the eldest brother for 24 hours. Since the second brother remembered, they kept instilling in the second brother: "He is the elder brother, you should be good to him.".

However, the second is obedient on the surface, but secretly he will beat his brother out. The elder brother was not happier because he wanted to win the wind. On the contrary, his temper became more and more eccentric, and sometimes he cried alone, saying that he was a waste; Sometimes they are overbearing and overbearing. They rob their brother's things. If they can't get them, they cry and make a big noise and report to their mother.

The situation of the Kaiser family is very common in families with sick and disabled children. Out of sympathy and guilt for the disabled children, parents will go wrong in education, leading to the growth of the disabled children being led astray.

Some parents, like Kather and his wife, focus too much on the sick and disabled children. The eldest child is the sun, and other children must be planets and revolve around the sun all the time. Even if the requirements of disabled children are unreasonable, they will change their ways to meet them. In the long run, these children's worldview has been distorted. They think that "I am weak and I am justified, and the world owes me". They are too self-centered and gradually lose their ability to interact with others normally.

Excessive parental care can also aggravate the feeling of powerlessness of disabled children. Some children are clearly able to do some housework, but their parents can't bear to say, "Let go, don't be tired." Some children are clearly able to accept education and integrate into society, but their parents worry that their children will be laughed at and won't let them go to school. With nothing to do at home, these children can easily become helpless, powerless and unable to realize the meaning of life. In order to balance this sense of powerlessness, some children will rebel and become "extremely capable". They will throw bowls and dishes, kick cats and dogs, and announce in an extreme way: "I am not so weak, you should not treat me as a loser!"

Deliberately favoring the sick boss will unbalance love; Too much emphasis on the fairness between hands and feet will also bring harm. In order to prevent the boss with mental illness from being careless, Lisheng has always followed the principle of fairness in dealing with the boss and the second: the second must have the first.

When the two brothers reached adulthood, they learned that the second brother was married, and the first brother also quarreled to get married. Knowing that this request is ridiculous, but for the sake of fairness, Lisheng still made great efforts to find a daughter-in-law for the boss. Soon, the woman found the problem and tried to seek medical advice, but with little effect. Finally, the woman filed for divorce. After the divorce, the eldest brother was deeply hit, and his illness also worsened. Only then did Lisheng realize that there was something wrong with his education.

In addition to over-favoritism and emphasis on fairness, some parents will go to the other extreme: focus on healthy children, try to cultivate and achieve them, and pay no attention to sick and disabled children. In addition to providing basic support, they seldom care about their hearts. Some even openly reveal the negative attitude of "parents don't expect you", which greatly increases the children's sense of powerlessness.