In intimate relationships, being able to listen is much harder and more important than being able to speak, and to be valued is even more important to learn.

Wife: "Today in the unit and was scolded by the leader, I think he is deliberately looking for my fault."

Husband: "I tell you, my superiors are no better, last month I traveled ......"

Husband: "Today, I took my kid to the park and he was always trying to feed snacks to the monkeys."

Wife: "I didn't see him like that when I took him there."

Wife: "I realized I have a winning body lately yeah!"

Husband: "I haven't won the lottery once anyway."

......

These conversations often occur between partners, seemingly daily and natural, but if you consciously observe will find that, in the face of the other half of the confidences, the respondent is always unconsciously to pull the topic to themselves: what I feel, what I like, how I have experienced ...... so that the confidences of the person exactly what happened, want to express what, what needs are ignored! What is happening, what does he want to express, what are his needs are ignored.

Obviously, these people are not good at listening. Listening seems to be a little more difficult than telling. Today we will talk about how to be a good listener in intimate relationships.

Listening is divided into active and passive listening. Active listening is when you take the initiative to ask your significant other what he or she is thinking; passive listening is when you let the other person take the lead and you "passively" listen and respond.

Letting go of yourself to hear the other person's needs

Let's start with passive listening, which isn't really that simple.

First of all, before you can fully express what you are thinking, the subconscious mind will become jealous of the partner who is talking to you. Even though you are a couple, you have to admit that you are jealous of him.

Secondly, passive listening means that you have to follow the other person's thoughts, even to the point of receiving experiences and opinions that are diametrically opposed to yours. Think back to how you reacted when your significant other expressed a viewpoint opposite to yours. Most people will recognize the other person's words as an attack on them and feel uncomfortable or even repulsed. At this point, it is difficult to listen to what the other person is saying, but rather, you are secretly preparing to "fight back".

For example, the husband worked hard to make a big meal for his wife, and she tasted it and said, "If only it were a little spicy." The husband immediately changed his face: "Do you think my cooking is not good?" The wife's desire to have something spicy was completely ignored by the husband, who focused on whether she was saying I was wrong. What should be the right approach?

Build a good family, pass on the good family style, promote the good family style. Marriage and Family Magazine is the journal of the China Marriage and Family Research Association, the leader of happy life for Chinese families, a light teaching material for family building, and an important publicity and public opinion position of the All-China Women's Federation.