1, Change preaching into teaching.
Always afraid that the child is too small, do not know the reason, so repeatedly to the child to instill the principle, if the child shows absent-minded appearance, sermon will become a lesson. The attitude of preaching is condescending, and the premise of preaching is that one's own words are the truth and the child must listen to them. But in reality, many children resent their parents' lecturing. Even more powerful than lecturing is teaching by example. Teaching by example serves as a role model. It is important to act out and show your children what you are doing, rather than talk about it. For example, parents play computer games every day without restraint, but want the child to control the game, only focus on learning, of course, the child is not convinced. Children can be afraid of you when they are small, and now will refute you: you are playing games every day, I can not play? So don't turn the cozy family into a classroom of days of preaching, more talk is better than less talk and do more, do it to the children.
2, Change the command to discuss.
Parents received when they were young, most of their parents' education, so due to the inheritance of education, the same habit of children with command sentences: "You should go to bed, hear me!" "Go clean up your room!" "Turn off the TV and do your homework!" The parent is in a position of strength and the child is in a position of weakness and cannot help but listen. However, during adolescence, the child is no longer afraid of your intimidation, and begins to disobey or openly rebel against such mandatory orders. If you switch to a negotiating approach and speak to your child in a gentle tone, it's a different story. For example, "Isn't it time for you to go to bed, you see it's so late." "Can you clean up your room, I look so messy." "How about we turn off the TV and do our homework?" If parents are worried that their children won't listen, then they can use choice sentences, for example, if they ask their children to go to bed at 8:30 you can say, "Will you go to bed at 8:01 or 8:30?" If the child is playful, then he or she will definitely choose the latter. You can say, "Okay, I respect your choice, however, you are responsible for your choice and I trust you to go to bed as soon as 8:30 arrives." This is easier for your child to accept than a command with no room for negotiation or choice.
3, Change negatives to affirmations.
Parents always unintentionally use negative sentences to negate their children, such as "You're so stupid, you can't even do such a simple problem." "You got into a fight again, and the teacher told on you!" "Lying again, why do you always lie to me?" All of the above are negating the child: the child is not smart, the child is not good, the child is not honest. Such negative labeling will make the child feel bad about himself, and the adult's negativity will turn into his own negativity about himself. I'll show you that I'm not good and see what you do! Children can not not make mistakes, can not be without a little shortcomings, but the child also has a good side, why do not we let go of the child's bad side, catch the good side of the affirmation? For example, if you find that your child understands things, you can say, "This child is getting better and better at understanding things." The child only one out of five exams, then let go of those four times, affirm the only good one, enhance his confidence, let him see hope. And the child will also be in the parent's continuous affirmation, praise, appreciation towards the good side of the development.